Apple Is A
by RinsDarkMagician
Summary: Hope's love for Snow is starting to overtake him. He knows that Snow will never feel the same, but he can't quench his feelings for him. He deals with these feelings the only way he can... GRAPHIC YAOI SNOW/HOPE
1. Apple is A

**_A/N: YEAH! My first Final Fantasy XIII story! And it's a smutty yaoi ^_^ What could be better?_**

**_This first chapter is really...just Hope. The next chapter will actually be Snow/Hope but this chapter is Hope alone. Yeah, it's what you're thinking. _**

**_Also the title of this story and this chapter is from a song so a portion of the lyrics are at the bottom. The song is called Apple is A by a Korean group called T-ARA.  
><em>**

**_And I always apologize for any errors cause there are always errors haha. I feel like this one has a lot too cause I didn't read it over it, but ignore those and enjoy the story!_**

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><p>Hope didn't know what to think. He hated Snow. He blamed him for the death of his mother. He saw the whole thing happen. Snow let his mom go; he let her fall. Because of Snow he now only had one parent and it wasn't even the parent he preferred. Snow killed the one person Hope loved, trusted, and admired.<p>

'_So why do I feel this way?'_ Hope thought to himself.

He walked gradually along a path through a huge forest on Pulse. Everyone had been assigned jobs. Lightning and Snow were to set up camp, Fang and Vanille were to check for any dangers in the area they resided, and Sazh and Hope were to find food for everyone to eat. Both Sazh and Hope agreed that it would be quicker for them to split up and look for food. Hope was secretly grateful for that. He wanted some alone time to think about everything going on.

It gave him a headache to try to figure out everything. One day he was watching fireworks with his mom and the next day he was a L'cie. His mom was dead and he was depending on random strangers to take care of him. He was thrown into a world he had never known before and there was the possibility that he would become a monster at the end of his journey.

It didn't get as straightforward as that. However, his focus and the impending results of it weren't on his mind at all. It was Snow. No matter how much he tried to convince himself otherwise, he really thought Snow was a cool guy. He wanted to hate him like he did in the very beginning. He wanted to feel the rage he felt before every time he looked at him, but he couldn't.

"Snow…is a hero," Hope said aloud. Snow saved him multiple times. Even after Snow knew Hope wanted to kill him, he still saved his life. He didn't have to, but he did and he did it without hesitation. The more Snow did for him the more Hope wanted to be around him.

"Maybe I just look up to him like a brother. I've never had one so it's understandable that I would want to know that feeling," once again Hope tried to convince himself that what he felt was nothing more than brotherly love.

"Strictly platonic," Hope said.

He decided to stop talking. He wasn't convincing himself of anything. If anything he was driving home the fact that the love he felt for Snow went deeper than just a brotherly connection.

He shook his head to try to focus back on his current mission: finding food. The others would never forgive him if he went back to camp empty-handed. Hope walked for a little more and found some trees with various fruits growing on them.

"Jack pot!" he yelled as he ran towards an apple tree.

He pulled an apple from the tree and leaned against the trunk as he bit into the fruit. It was delicious. He never thought he would appreciate a simple apple so much.

He sat on the ground and continued to lazily eat his apple. He wasn't ready to go back to camp yet. He rarely got any alone time so he treasured those few moments when he could sit and gather his thoughts. Unfortunately, his thoughts roamed back to a certain man whose name implied he was a form of weather.

"Snow. Snow, Snow, Snow," Hope said. He bit into his apple and lightly hit his head against the tree trunk.

'_What if I just admit it?'_ Hope thought. _'What if I just come out and say it?'_

Everything in the forest was silent. The birds had stopped the chirping, the wind had stopped blowing the tree branches, even the monsters had stopped howling and growling in the distance. Hope felt like the entire world was listening to him. He took a deep breath and finally said the words that had been toying with him in the back of his mind.

"I love him. I love Snow. I love Snow Villiers."

He said it. The world didn't come to end, his brand didn't suddenly erupt, turning him into a Cie'th; everything was still normal.

"I love Snow." Hope said again, this time with a little sadness. "I love him. I love him. I don't want to, God, I don't want to, but I do. I love him."

The more he said it, the more he realized how impossible it would be to get Snow to feel the same way as him. Not only was Hope just a teenager, but he had competition; competition who technically couldn't even compete.

"He has Serah. He'll never give her up. Even though she's a crystal he still believes she's alive out there somewhere. He doesn't want me," Hope finished his apple and reached up to pick another one off of the tree.

"Besides to him I'm just a kid. I don't have any experience with that type of stuff. I've never even…been kissed," a sigh escaped his mouth. He stared at his apple as if it were listening to him. "I wouldn't mind him being my first kiss. I wouldn't mind him being my first…everything."

Hope continued to stare at his apple. He was beginning to lose all hope that Snow would ever feel the same way he did. A few tears stung his eyes, but he quickly brushed them away. He brought the apple to his lips and kept it there.

"I want him to kiss me. I'm not as experienced as he is, but I could make him happy. He wouldn't mind showing me how to do those things. He really wouldn't," Hope pulled the apple away a little bit and imagined it was the object of his affection.

"Snow…please…." He whispered before he gently kissed the apple. He pecked at it a few times before he imagined Snow telling him to open his mouth. He did so and started to make out with the apple. A slight moan he tried to keep contained eventually came out. There was so much more he wanted Snow to do to him than just kiss him. He kept kissing the apple as he ran his hand along his chest. Another moan escaped his mouth as he pushed his hand under his shirt and squeezed his nipple.

For a moment he came to his senses and thought that what he was doing was silly. He was in the middle of a forest, making out with an apple that he imagined was Snow, and touching himself. He was about to stop when an image of Snow shirtless flashed across his mind. He squeezed his nipple harder and lightly bit into the apple. Some juices escaped the apple when he bit into it and dribbled down his chin. He licked the apple to get the remaining juices off of it and then went back to kissing it.

A hand, which Hope seemed to forget was his own, started to make it's way down his body. Hope grabbed his groin and gave a small cry as he did so. He gently rubbed it, not realizing how hard he actually was. He moaned more as he rubbed his body and finally started to unzip his pants.

He pulled his hardened member out and started to gently slide his fingers over it. It was difficult for him to resist the urge to cry out so he pulled the apple away from his mouth and gave a load moan. He started breathing heavily as he toyed with himself. He gently brushed the tip of his member, causing a shudder to go through his entire body.

He finally couldn't take much more and he grabbed his member roughly and began to pump it. He moved his hand up and down and cried out with each movement. He forced the apple back in his mouth, afraid that if he cried too loudly the others would hear him and come running to make sure he was okay. That was the last thing he wanted.

He started to pump faster, making his cries grow louder and louder. He was really starting to get scared that the others would hear him. He held the apple in his mouth and used his free hand to squeeze his nipple. He squeezed as hard as he could, imagining that Snow was biting down on it. He knew he was almost there. He just needed something to push him over the edge.

In his mind's eye he imagined lying in bed with Snow. It was Snow who was pumping him and it was Snow's lips capturing his own. Snow's free hand trailed down Hope's body and reached his buttocks. Snow smiled into the kiss as he pushed one of his fingers inside Hope.

And that was all Hope needed. He released into his hand and bit down so hard on the apple he bit a chunk out of it. He sat still for a while, catching his breath while slowly chewing on the remains of the apple in his mouth.

"Oh, Snow…." he whispered. He continued to imagine him and Snow together. He wanted so desperately for Snow to be there to hold him and tell him he loved him. However as much as he wished it, a voice in the back of his mind told him he would never stand a chance with him.

"I love you, Snow."

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to try to regain his focus.

"I…should go back." He said slowly. His eyes were glazed over and he moved with the speed of snail as he zipped his pants back up and gathered a few more apples to give to his team.

It took him a lot longer than he thought to make it back to camp. When he got there he realized Sazh had made it back before him. However, it seemed he had also found food so Hope's apples became more of a dessert to everyone.

"Are those apples? Great job, Hope! I love those things!" Snow jumped up to greet Hope. He grabbed the boy's shoulder and looked at him, the smile on his face turning into a concerned frown.

"Are you okay, Hope? You look a little out of it," Snow said, kneeling down to look Hope in the eyes. Lightning stood up behind him, also concerned about Hope's state.

"No, I'm fine, Snow. I'm just really tired. I'm so sleepy." Hope took advantage of the opportunity before him and walked closer to Snow, resting his head on the older man's shoulder.

"Is that so?" Snow said as he motioned for Vanille to get the apples out of Hope's arms. When she did so, Snow stood and walked Hope to a blanket that was to be his bed. Hope immediately laid on it and turned to his side, ready to fall asleep. He wasn't lying down long when he felt something cover his body. He opened his eyes and realized Snow draped his trench coat over him so he could use it as a blanket. Hope smiled as Snow's scent surrounded him. Why was Snow always so good to him?

"Snow," he whispered affectionately, unknowing that everyone had clearly heard him.

Hope fell asleep quickly, missing the blush that crept onto Snow's face when he said his name. He missed the jokes and teases about him and Snow and he missed how Snow laid down next to him just to spite the others.

However, the sleeping Snow would not go unnoticed by the young boy once morning came.

_You're so sweet sweet_

_You're so thrilling thrilling_

_Your face is so handsome handsome_

_Your words are so kind kind_

_I think I fell in love too deep at first sight_

_You're the guy I've been waiting for_

_I fell into your heart_

_I think I love you_

_Can't you hear my beating heart?_

_Why do you keep me waiting?_

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><p><em><strong>AN: Making out with an apple...Hellz yeah! *thumbs up***  
><em>


	2. Knowledge of Women

**_Chapter 2! There's no smut in this one. I thought there would be, but there's not. There will be in the next chapter though. It's not a Snow/Hope story without Snow/Hope! ^_^_**

**_Until then, have fun with this little chapter. Enjoy!  
><em>**

Hope stared at the back of Snow's head as the group trudged on through Pulse. Snow and Lightning were ahead of the group, leading them through the dangerous plains. Hope cocked his head to the side as he wondered what they were talking about.

'_Probably Serah,'_ the young boy thought. He couldn't help the jealousy that filled his heart every time he thought of her. Snow was completely in love with the woman and she wasn't even around! He was living proof that the saying 'out of sight, out of mind' was a complete lie. There was never a day when Snow didn't mention Serah. Hope wondered if the self proclaimed hero noticed the look of disgust on the boy's face every time he said her name.

Hope watched as Snow laughed out loud and gave Lightning a hard, if not affection, slap on her back. She was pushed forward a bit and glared at him, though he seemed to not notice. A small smile appeared on Hope's face as he saw the two of them get along. He knew everyone had bonded, but he couldn't help but sometimes think back to the time Lightning had given him the knife; the knife he would have used to kill Snow. So much had changed since then. Lightning had finally accepted Snow as part of her family and Hope's feelings for Snow had gone from one extreme to a completely different extreme. He didn't even remember when he started to feel the way he did.

'_Was it when I confronted him about my mom? Or perhaps when we were at my house when it got attacked? Or maybe I just woke up one morning and decided I wanted to take my admiration for him to the next level….'_

It didn't matter when it happened. The point was that it happened. Snow stole Hope's heart and regardless if he meant to do it or not, it seemed he had no intention of giving it back.

"Ah! What the-huh?" Hope was thrown out of his thoughts by something heavy hitting him on his head. He turned around swiftly to see Vanille standing there, his unfolded boomerang in her hands. She giggled as she looked at his agitated face.

"Are you awake?" Vanille asked him.

"What do you mean? Of course, I'm awake. When did you get my boomerang and why did you hit me with it?" Hope rubbed the spot on his head where he was hit. Vanille got him good. He could feel a headache begin to form.

"I've been calling your name for at least five minute now, Hope," Vanille told him. "You were so out of it I was able to steal your boomerang right from your pocket. So talk to me. Were you lost in thought or have you just lost your mind?"

Vanille smiled even wider as she handed his boomerang back to him. Hope graciously accepted it, folded it up, and put it back in his pocket. "I was lost in thought." He answered her. "I've just been thinking a lot."

"Maybe you shouldn't do that," Vanille said, putting her hands on his shoulders. "Considering the situation we're in there's no point in really thinking about it. What will be, will be and thinking about it certainly won't change much of anything."

"It wasn't really the situation I was thinking about," Hope said. He lowered his head a bit as Snow filled his mind.

It seemed Vanille was sharper than she looked because she instantly caught on to what he was saying.

"Oh, is that so? Well, if you're not thinking about our problems then perhaps you're thinking about one of the members of our group? Now that I think about it when you're not lost in thought you're extremely happy! You're glowing for what appears to be no reason! You know what people say about that, right? When you glow like that you're either pregnant or in love. I want to guess it's the latter."

"No, Vanille, it's the first one," Hope said, with a small smile. Vanille laughed at him as she wrapped one arm around his shoulder.

"Nice try, Hope, but you won't avoid talking to me about this! So who is it? Who's the lucky girl? Is it me? You can tell me if it's me! I promise not to make fun of you or reject you too harshly!"

"Gee, thanks," Hope said, rolling his eyes. "No offense, but it's not you. It's someone else."

"Ah, well then it can only be one other person!"

Hope's eyes grew wide when he heard her say that. Did she really know that Snow was the one who he'd fallen madly in love with?

"Lightning," Vanille whispered in his ear.

Hope almost burst out in laughter when he heard her say that. Lightning? After a second of thinking about it, he supposed it wasn't a too far-fetched theory. After all, the two of them were together for a long time before the entire group met up. Lightning was strong and protected Hope, so anyone would assume he looked up to her. They stuck together and even now she always kept at least one eye on him, like a mother watching her son. She wouldn't let anything happen to him and everyone knew if they failed to protect him, they would have her, the mother hawk, to answer to.

Hope chuckled as he looked Vanille in the eyes. "What's not to love?"

Vanille let out a girly shriek. "Ohhhh, so it's true? You love her, don't you? Oh, how sweet! You've fallen in love with your protector! Oh, it's only natural for that to happen though. I mean, she took care of you when we were all separated. She taught you how to fight, she gave you weapons to protect yourself, but they were only to be used if she couldn't protect you herself. She showed you how to survive in the wild, you are a city boy after all, she lead you through perilous and dangerous areas, and she-"

"Okay, Vanille!" Hope shouted over the girl's rambling. "I get your point. She's amazing. Don't you think I've figured that out by now?"

"Oh, does she know?" Vanille said, while jumping up and down.

Hope looked ahead to glance at Lightning only to realize the other four members of their team were barely in sight. They had kept on walking while the two youngest had carried on their conversation. Hope quickly grabbed Vanille's wrist and started to run to catch up with the others.

"Of course she doesn't know," Hope said, while running. "And she never will, got that? I'm just a teenager so this is just a complex or something. I'll get over it, so don't get so excited."

"Too late, Hope! I'm already excited to hear this! Are you sure this is just a teenage thing? There's no reason why you shouldn't love her. I mean she's beautiful and smart and she'll always take care of you."

"I know, but I think this is more of an admiration thing, Vanille. It's not like I want to marry her or anything. I just look up to her more than anyone else. Since I lost my mom I think it's natural that I'll want to gravitate toward someone who I think can take care of me. Lightning has more than proven that she'll always defend me and do whatever she can to keep me safe and happy."

Hope smiled slightly at the pouty look Vanille gave him. He hated to dash her hopes of a romance forming among team members, but he couldn't let her go on thinking that he was actually in love with Lightning. There was no doubt that he cared deeply for her and that she did do all of the things Vanille had mentioned, but he was no way in love with her.

"Sorry to disappoint you, Vanille," Hope said.

"It's no problem! If you don't love her then you don't love her! I'm not upset about it, I just thought it would be cute. At least you're not in love with Snow or something. That would be shooting in the dark! You would have no chance with him!"

'_Ouch! Stabbed me right in the heart, Vanille….'_ Hope thought.

"Not that it wouldn't be adorable! Like two nights ago when Snow gave you his trench coat to use as a blanket and you whispered his name as you fell asleep! Oh, that was so precious! I thought I was going to explode!"

A blush made it's way onto Hope's face. He slowed down running as the group was more in sight.

"You think we would be a cute couple?" Hope said with a laugh, trying his best to sound casual.

"I think so. Snow is a strong man who will always protect the people he cares about. Not to mention he's so big and you're so cute and little! He would always keep you by his side and give you anything you asked for! It's so cute!"

Hope just laughed again. He was glad to know that someone thought him and Snow would be a cute couple. However he knew and Vanille also knew that the two of them were simply not meant to be. Serah was the only thing that stood in the way of Snow and Hope being together; at least that' how Hope saw it.

"If you two think you can take care of yourselves then by all means, stay behind!" Fang yelled as she made her way over to them. The two young ones slowly back up and even tried to run away, but Fang quickly grabbed each of them by their collar.

"If you get lost out here, it won't be on us! Stay close!"

"Oh, Fang, you act like I've never been here before!" Vanille said, wiggling her way out of her grip.

Fang looked at Hope who just looked back at her with his big puppy eyes. He wasn't even trying to put up a fight. Fang shook her head and let him go.

"Stay close," she repeated as she walked back to the other members of the group.

Vanille and Hope glanced at each other and giggled before finally catching up with everyone. It was beginning to get dark and Lightning had decided that it was time to set up camp. She dished out duties to everyone, making sure not to pair up Vanille and Hope, lest they get caught up and forget what they were supposed to be doing.

"You'll come with me, Hope," she said. "We're going to look for food."

Hope nodded and moved to stand next to Lightning. She told everyone else their responsibilities and then set out with Hope in search of food.

"You did a great job last time finding food. Hopefully we'll be that lucky again," Lightning said.

Hope agreed with her. The two of them remained silent for most of their search. There really wasn't much to talk about. It was easy for him to talk to Vanille about anything because that was the type of person she was. Lightning, however, was more serious. If they weren't talking about a solution to their problem or what to do next, then she really had no need to speak.

So when she did say something that was unrelated to their situation, Hope was more than surprised.

"You've matured quite a lot, Hope. You've gotten much stronger too. To say I'm proud of you is an understatement."

Hope was taken aback, but happy to hear that he was doing a good job. "Thanks, Lightning. I wouldn't have been able to survive without you, so give yourself some credit."

Lightning shook her head. "You've shown me that you're more than capable of taking care of yourself. I don't need to look after you like I had to before. Yet…I also feel that you're slowly becoming a danger to yourself without meaning to."

"What…what do you mean, Lightning?"

"I mean Snow," Lightning said, stopping in her tracks to look at Hope. "I see how you look at him and how you talk to him. It's different. You like him and not just in a friendly way."

Hope refused to look at her, but that was all she needed. As much as she wished it weren't true, it was.

"Hope, you can't do this. He'll only break your heart. Forget him and-"

"I can't just forget him, Lightning. Do you think I want to feel this way? I can't control it!"

Lightning sighed as she walked on, Hope slowly trailing behind her. She didn't want Hope to get his heart broken, but at the same time Snow was vulnerable and hurting and she didn't know how he would react if he found out how Hope felt about him.

"Hope, you're going to be on guard duty tonight with Snow. It wasn't my idea, but it happened nonetheless. Snow misses Serah and I fear…that you'll be more alluring to him than you think. Don't pursue your desires and things will be a lot easier."

She didn't even give Hope a chance to say anything before she ran off to grab some berries off of a bush. What did she mean that Hope was more alluring? Hope didn't think he was alluring at all. He was just an average teenage boy. What allure did Lightning or even Snow see in him? And why was she worried about the two of them being on guard duty together?

'_Does she think…does she think something will happen between us?' _Hope almost wanted to laugh out loud. Snow wasn't thinking about him. The only person on his mind was Serah.

"Let's go, Hope," Lightning said, interrupting his thoughts.

There was no hesitation in Hope's step as he followed her back to camp. He was excited to say the least. He would get to spend most of the night with Snow. That certainly was something to look forward to.

**_Vanille was fangirling like crazy! And I know it ended abruptly, but the next chapter will fill all those gaps ^_^ Until next time! I bid you all adieu ^_^_**


	3. Just Like Her

It was almost amusing how Hope found nothing to talk about with Snow. He cast nervous glances at him, took deep breaths, and tried to think of something to say. Yet the older man was just sitting there, staring at the sky. Was he thinking about Serah? Did he miss her so much that he wasn't even able to focus on the person right in front of him?

Hope wanted to call Snow's name, but he seemed so lost in thought. This was the first time they had stayed up together to keep watch and absolutely nothing was happening. Hope thought at the very least they would have been laughing and joking around. Yet, Snow just stayed silent.

"Snow?" Hope said in a low voice.

Snow immediately turned to him. Perhaps he wasn't as lost in thought as Hope assumed he was.

"What's up? Something wrong?"

Hope quickly shook his head. "Oh, no! Nothing's wrong. I was actually going to ask you that."

Snow chuckled. "Me? Nah! Nothing's wrong with me."

"You seem a bit…distracted."

Snow looked around at the trees surrounding them before placing his eyes back on Hope. "It's nighttime," he said with a shrug. "It's what I never liked about the night. Nighttime is when you can't help but think about all the realities going on. You stay up and can't sleep and all you can think about are your worries and concerns. There's usually no one to talk to so you're just there…alone…wondering how to handle all these situations."

That was an unexpected answer. Hope agreed with him. In the daytime he would pretend he was strong. He could pretend everything would be all right. They would complete their focus and somehow not turn into C'ieth and if they were lucky not turn into crystals either. At night though, that wasn't the case. When night fell Hope wanted to sob and cry at the thought of being turned into anything at all. He was too young to have his life end so quickly. And there was also….

"I miss her, Snow."

Snow knew exactly who he was referring to. Of course he missed her. That was his mother. No mother should ever have to bury their child, but…no child of his age should have to bury their mother. Snow moved closer to Hope and wrapped his arm around him, bringing him as close to him as he could.

"I know you do, Hope. I wish you were never put in this situation. I'm sorry."

It took everything in Hope to not start crying. He missed her so much. He thought about the times when they would stay at home and play games. They would cook together and watch television together. Now, there was no one. His mom would never again wash her hair, or brush her teeth, or eat dinner with him, or take him on trips, or tell him she loved him and no one could do anything about it. He lost his best friend, the one person he could trust, and he would never get her back.

Snow listened as Hope did his best to not cry. He didn't mind if he cried. In fact, he welcomed it. He wanted Hope to know that he could trust him with anything and everything. Hope finally broke down and hid his face in Snow's coat. Snow actually smiled. It was comforting to be reminded that even though they were L'cie they were still only human.

His smile grew wider as a thought occurred to him. Hope sounded like Serah did when she cried. Both of them would try to hide it as best as they could so they would sniff a lot, hiccup a lot, take deep breaths. Then when they finally let it out they would find something to muffle the sound. Snow almost wanted to laugh. Hope sounded just like her!

He even felt like her. Hope was so small and skinny. Serah was too. Snow moved his arm from Hope's shoulder to his waist, just out of curiosity. He found that his waist was extremely similar to Serah's. Snow could practically cup the boy's waist in one hand. He was so tiny, just like Serah. If he were to lay on Hope no one would even know he was there.

Snow removed his glove and moved his hand to gently rub Hope's hair. The strands were silky and thin, just like Serah's. The boy even smelled like her. He never noticed it before, but Hope was more like Serah than he thought.

He couldn't help but lift Hope up a little and put him in his lap. It was exactly like he thought. Hope was only a little smaller than Serah. He rested in his lap the exact same way Serah did, with his head only a few inches below where Serah's would be. Snow turned Hope's face to his. Hope had stopped crying for the most part, probably because Snow had put him in his lap. Snow wiped away the stains that were left on his face and smiled at him.

Hope looked a little confused, shy, nervous, and cute; the same look Serah always, always had when Snow was about to kiss her. He began to wonder exactly how much was Hope similar to Serah?

"Don't cry," he whispered before gently laying his lips on Hope's. He kept them there for a moment before pulling away. Hope's eyes were so innocent, just like Serah. He moved Hope so the boy would straddle his waist. He touched Hope's face. His skin was so soft, almost porcelain. It was a little dirty simply due to them travelling so much, but it was just like her face. He kissed him again this time running his tongue against Hope's lips. Hope opened his mouth to let Snow in more.

He tasted just like her. Was that even possible? How could another person taste exactly like her? He didn't want to ever stop kissing him. He didn't want to let him go. He was just like Serah and he never even realized it! He felt like her, he was shaped like her, he had her same expressions, and he even tasted like her.

"Snow…." Hope whispered when they pulled away.

He spoke in that same meek voice that Serah did when they would pull away from a kiss. Yet, as similar as Hope was to Serah there were some differences. Hope began to kiss Snow on his neck and down his chest. Serah was always shy, she was never comfortable doing things like that. Hope was a little braver, but that only served in making Snow happier. He rubbed Hope's hair and let him continue to kiss him. He knew what Hope wanted to do. He could tell as the boy hesitated to go farther than his waist line. As much as Snow would have loved him to continue, he didn't want to make Hope do anything he wasn't ready for. After all, he was just a boy. This was probably all new to him. Snow brought his face back up. He rubbed his waist and stared tenderly at him.

This time Hope was the one to start the kiss. He wrapped his arms around Snow's neck and kissed him deeply. This was everything he wanted. This was it. Snow had to have had the same feelings that Hope had. It was possible. Maybe they could work it out. Maybe he would pick him over Serah. He actually stood a chance.

Since Hope was straddling Snow he could feel him get hard underneath him. That only served to get Hope even more excited. He wanted to taste Snow. He wanted Snow in his mouth, but he was so nervous. This was his first time doing anything sexual.

"Snow," he whispered. "Snow, I…I want to…."

"Hmm?" Snow gently nibbled on Hope's neck making him gasp. "You want to what?"

"I…I want to…I want to suck…."

Snow nodded his head and pulled Hope into a passionate kiss. As they kissed he undid his pants and pulled out his member. Hope was very aware of the action and stopped kissing Snow to stare. He was big…a lot bigger than Hope could have imagined.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to," Snow said to him.

Hope shook his head. "I want to. Just…guide me?"

Snow nodded and watched as Hope bent down, first observing what was in front of him. He hesitated before sticking his tongue out and licking Snow's tip. He did it again and again, still not brave enough to use his whole mouth. Snow chuckled and rubbed Hope's hair affectionately.

"Don't try to take the whole thing in," Snow told him. "Just take in as much as you can. Oh and uh…make sure not to bite."

Hope nodded his head and licked him once more before finally putting his mouth over him. He was only able to take in a small portion so he used his hand to handle the remaining part. He was careful to keep his teeth in check and slowly started to suck on him, while moving his hand up and down in time with his mouth.

"Perfect," Snow whispered.

Perfect? That certainly gave Hope more confidence. He moved a little bit faster and from the sounds of Snow's moans he was doing a good job. He kept up a good pace, happy that he could pleasure Snow at all considering how inexperienced he was. He kept going, listening to Snow and getting even more confident in himself. It was only when one word escaped Snow's mouth that Hope stopped.

"Oh, Serah…."

Hope froze.

Serah?

Her?

That woman?

She was the one on his mind?

He wasn't thinking about Hope?

But Snow had been the one to initiate everything….

He kissed Hope first.

Lightning was right. He missed Serah and somehow Hope had become alluring to him. Why didn't he listen to Lightning?

Hope let go of Snow and sat up on his knees, staring at the ground. His heart filled with shame and sadness and embarrassment. How could he be so stupid?

"Listen, Hope, I'm so-"

"My name's not Serah. I'll never be Serah. She's gone, Snow, and you can't handle that."

"No, I don't think you're her. Please, Hope-"

"Is that why you kissed me? That was my first kiss. That was also my first time…doing that. Did you forget it was me and not her?"

"No, Hope! No! Listen, I'm so sorry! It just slipped out."

"You were thinking about her the whole time."

Hope didn't even wait for Snow to say another word. He stood and ran away, running to the only person he could talk to about this.

He lay down next to Lightning, secretly hoping that she was awake. Tears started to come out of his eyes and he did his best to stay quiet though it didn't work. He felt arms wrap around him. Lightning pushed his head into her neck and rubbed his hair gently.

"I told you not to pursue your desires, Hope."

She closed her eyes as she felt Hope bite into her neck to try to stop his sobs. She knew this happen. This was the worst-case scenario that she was hoping to avoid.

"He kissed me," Hope said between sobs. "He kissed me and I let him. And then I…I…."

"Did you two do more than kiss?"

Hope quickly nodded his head. He didn't want to tell her. He was embarrassed and ashamed. He didn't listen to her and now he was paying the price.

"I…I sucked…." He couldn't finish his sentence and just continued to cry.

Lightning knew exactly what he was referring to. She was angry to say the least. Snow let him do that? He was just a child and he actually let him do that? What the hell was he thinking?

"He called me Serah!"

"Oh, Hope," Lightning said and continued to rub his hair. She wanted to say she told him so. She wanted to say that Snow wasn't interested in him. She wanted to say that Snow would do anything to get Serah back and that his mind was only on her and no one else. But she didn't. She let Hope cry himself to sleep, though she didn't sleep at all. All she could think about was how she was going to have a talk with Snow once morning came.


	4. How Soon Is Now?

**I just wanted to say thank you so much to all of the people who reviewed or added my story to favorites or alert. I didn't think much of this story in the beginning and I certainly didn't think so many people would like it. I'm so happy that everyone likes it and thinks it's well done. This chapter is a bridge meaning...once again no smut haha. and I apologize for that too ^_^ I hope you all enjoy this chapter. It's pretty similar to chapter 2 but that one seemed to be a favorite too ^_^ So read on and enjoy! **

Snow fought hard against the monsters that had approached him and the group. He used all of his might to destroy every last bit of them. He wanted to break every bone in their bodies; he wanted to rip them in half; he wanted to beat them into the ground until there was nothing left to beat.

He almost felt bad for them. After all, they weren't the ones who caused his frustration and anger. Yet, he couldn't very well beat himself up. Mentally he could…but not physically.

He killed one of the creatures and looked around for something else to fight. His eyes fell on Hope. The young boy used fire to destroy his enemy. How could so much power come out of such a tiny boy? Snow didn't have time to contemplate it as another enemy snuck up on him. It hit him from behind and he fell. He quickly recovered by kicking the creature in the stomach, giving him time to stand up and defend himself.

"Get your head in the game!" Snow heard Fang yell at him. He chose not to respond as he released more anger into the helpless creature.

Images of the night before kept flashing before his eyes. What had he been thinking? How could he have done anything like that with Hope? Did he really miss Serah so much that he actually put her into Hope? Did he really force himself to believe that Hope smelled, sounded, felt, and even kissed like Serah?

Snow defeated the enemy and quickly looked around in case there were more. He watched everyone else stay in attack mode. It wasn't until Lightning gave the all clear that they relaxed.

Vanille ran to Hope and the two high fived each other, obviously proud of how powerful they had become. The group trudged on through the massive valleys of Pulse, hoping they would be able to move on to their next objective soon. Snow couldn't remember what their next objective was. He was too fixated on Hope, who was chatting it up with Vanille.

"We should trade weapons next time, Hope!" Vanille said excitedly. She stole Hope's boomerang from his pocket (again) and ignored the agitated look he gave her. She handed him her own weapon as she threw his boomerang.

"Stop! You don't know how to work it!" Hope yelled, panicked.

Yet, he had nothing to worry about. Vanille easily caught the giant boomerang as it made it's way back to her.

"That's the great thing about boomerangs, Hope. They're the most loyal weapons you could ever have. No matter what happens they'll always come back!"

"Yes, they will," Hope said as he stared at the contraption Vanille called a weapon. He swung it and nearly dropped it as the lines came out from the top and started moving about. He tried to get them to go back into the weapon but he only succeeded in smacking Sazh in the head.

"What the…be careful with that thing!" he shouted. His chocobo gave an angry chirp in agreement.

"I'm sorry!" Hope yelled as he tried to get control of Vanille's weapon. It simply wasn't working. Everyone ducked to avoid being hit with the uncontrollable weapon. Hope finally gave up and just dropped the weapon, the lines falling gracefully to the ground.

"Yeah, let's stick with what we got," Vanille said, as she picked up her weapon.

"Good idea," Hope responded, taking his own weapon back from her.

It amazed Snow how Hope was able to act as if nothing had occurred the night before. He was acting so normal. He was acting as if his heart hadn't been broken, as if he hadn't lost a bit of his dignity and pride. He was holding it all in. He didn't want the others to know he was secretly dying inside.

At least that's how Snow saw it. For all he knew, Hope didn't care about what happened. It seemed Snow didn't know Hope as well as he thought he did. For one, he had no idea that Hope had any feelings for him at all. If he knew about Hope's feelings then he absolutely would have never done the things he had done. He would have tried to control himself a little better.

It worried Snow that Hope seemed so okay. They all woke up and went on about their day, nothing out of the ordinary. Hope had even talked to Snow a few times. Snow was only able to give him one word answers or stutters. It shocked him that Hope even wanted to speak to him at all.

"What is it with you boys and your distractions?"

Snow yelled as he felt something hit him in the head. Vanille had run up to him and smacked him with her hand. She tapped her foot and glared at him.

"I had to do the same thing to Hope! You men are always thinking about something!"

Snow smirked. "Well, there's always something to think about. Don't tell me your mind is completely empty."

"Not at all!" Vanille yelled, catching on to his tease. "I just don't let it get to me that badly. I was calling you, Snow, and you didn't hear me!"

"Well, was it anything important?"

"That's not the point!" Vanille yelled, her frustration beginning to show. Snow couldn't help but be a little amused at how easy she was to mess with.

"Snow has a lot more on his mind than the rest of us," Lightning interjected walking past the two of them. The accusatory tone in her voice did not go unnoticed by Snow. He stared at her as she continued to walk.

"Do you really, Snow?" Vanille asked, seeming to have missed Lightning's anger. "Oh well…I guess you. You have Serah to worry about."

"Hey now, I don't want any sympathy, all right?" Snow quickly said. "I'm not the only one who has a loved one they need to get back. Sazh's son is out there and Hope has his father to get back to and Lightning is just as worried about Serah as I am. We all have something to fight for so we all are fighting our hardest to get things back to the way they were."

"For some people, things will never go back to the way they were."

Snow looked in Lightning's direction as she spoke again. Why did she sound so infuriated with him? He noticed Hope standing next to Lightning, his head to the ground. In that instant a horrid thought crossed Snow's mind. Did Hope tell her?

Of course he did! Hope was hurt and what do children do when they're hurt? They go running to their protector. They go to the person who can fix everything and make it all better. In this case that person was Lightning.

Snow wanted to dig a hole and crawl in it, never to be seen again. He wondered if he actually would have preferred to turn into a Cie'th than to deal with Lightning's wrath. Lightning was scary and she was even scarier when it came to protecting the people she cared about. In the beginning Snow had been walking on thin ice when it came to her and they had finally become close enough to even call each other family. Did they lose that? Is all of that gone now?

"Are we just going to stand here or are we going to get walking?" Fang yelled. "I'll go on without everybody if it has to be that way."

"I need to talk to Snow. You guys go on ahead," Lightning said.

Fang raised her eyebrows. "You plan on catching up?"

"Of course."

Fang nodded her head, taking charge in Lightning's absence. She motioned for everyone to follow her and they did; however, before Hope could leave Lightning stopped him. She bent down and said a few things to him that Snow couldn't hear. Then she gently pushed him in Fang's direction and he ran off to catch up with them.

Lightning then turned around. Her and Snow stood perfectly still, staring each other in the eye. There was fire in Lightning's eyes and Snow wouldn't have been ashamed to say that he was scared. He had messed with her boy…he would have to pay the price.

"You know what this is about," Lightning broke the silence.

Snow simply nodded.

A moment passed before Lightning stalked over to Snow and punched him in the face. He fell to the ground and stayed there, mostly just so she wouldn't do it again. He learned the first time she used him as a punching bag to just stay down.

"I deserved that." Snow said.

"You're damn right you deserve that!" Lightning looked down on him. "How could you do that? I mean…what were you thinking?"

Snow just shook his head. He wished he could answer her. He wished he could make sense of it all. That was too much to ask for. He watched as Lightning paced back and forth in front of him, shaking her head.

"You…idiot! To think I ever trusted you."

"You can still trust me, Lightning," Snow said in a low, sad voice. "I made a mistake. We all do it."

"Not those kind of mistakes!" Lightning faced away from him, too disgusted to even look at him. Snow stayed on the ground, playing with the blades of grass between his fingers. What was he supposed to say to her? It wasn't her he needed to apologize to.

"You're worried about Hope?"

Snow was shocked at the question. What kind of question was that? "Of course I'm worried about him. He's acting as if nothing's happened."

"Hope is strong," Lightning said. "He's stronger than any of you possibly know. He'll be fine. However…she won't be."

It took Snow a moment before he realized who she was talking about. Serah….

He had been so focused on Hope that he had forgotten all about Serah. He betrayed her. He broke their sacred vows. He…

"You cheated on her and all you could think about was the person you cheated on her with."

He did. He had betrayed everything he promised to Serah. Yes, Lightning was mad that he hurt Hope, but she was more infuriated that he betrayed Serah. Not only did he betray Serah's trust, he betrayed Lightning's trust too. Lightning wasn't only a mother figure…she was a big sister. She loved Hope and took on the role he had given her as a protector, but in this case blood was thicker than water.

"Lightning, I…you know I would never do anything to hurt Serah."

"If she knew what you did, Snow…it would break her heart. She loves you so much and I never was able to understand why. For a moment I saw what she saw and I was happy to have you marry my sister, but now…I don't think I even want to stand near you."

Snow covered his face with his hands. He didn't want to hear this. He knew what he had done and there was nothing he could do to fix it. He couldn't change the past and if he could he would undo everything he had done. He would never hurt Hope or Serah intentionally. He loved them both, but now…Hope hated him. Lightning hated him. And when Serah came out of her crystal stasis she would feel so betrayed if and probably when she found out.

"I can't fix this, Light. What's done is done," he said, giving up entirely. He couldn't take it anymore. Their focus, their mission, their impending death, his love for Serah, his friendship with Hope, his relationship with Lightning…all of it just came crashing down around him. His world fell apart right before his eyes and all because of a simple mistake. He couldn't take it. He just couldn't take it.

"Lightning."

Snow and Lightning looked up at the voice that cut the silence. Hope was standing before them, looking down at his fingers and rocking back and forth nervously.

"I know you're mad for you sister and that's fine," Hope started. " but you don't have to stand up for me this time."

"What are you talking about, Hope?" Lightning asked.

"You said I'm strong. You told me I've matured. I can fight my own battles now, Light. Well…perhaps not all of them, but I can certainly pick and choose them. And I choose to fight this battle on my own. I don't need you to confront Snow for me." Hope moved his eyes from Lightning to Snow. The two stared at each other as Hope continued. "I need to tell him myself how I feel and how he can make it up to me. Or…how we can make it up to each other."

Make it up to each other? Snow was confused to say the least. Hope had nothing to make up to him. It was Snow who had made all the mistakes and who owed so many people so much.

"I understand." Lightning said.

Snow was even more confused to hear that. Lightning was backing down? She was actually going to let Hope do what he wanted instead of protect him?

"We're not done though, Snow!" Lightning said, turning back to him. "Hope can speak for himself, but Serah can't. We'll discuss this after you're done with Hope," she turned back to Hope and walked to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "It's getting dark. I'll let you two stay on guard duty again, but only for tonight. Say what you need to say because the three of us can't keep dwelling on this."

Hope nodded his head and looked at Snow. Snow didn't see hate in his eyes. He didn't see rage or fury or even hurt. He saw…sympathy, sadness, and love for a friend. Hope…wasn't angry at him. He continued to stare as Hope made his way over to him. He extended his hand to help him off the ground and after a moment of hesitation he took it. They made their way back to the group. The only thing on Snow's mind was what Hope would have to say to him while they watched the moon that night.

**How was it? Did you like it? It was a little more serious than the others...I mean serious as in stuff is finally going down. Confrontations, people getting angry, people getting depressed...it's happening. I think the next chapter, chapter 5 might be it for this story though. I have a feeling it's going to be the last chapter. So with that being said the only question remaining is...Who will win: Hope...or Serah? **


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